Random thoughts on modern dating

Why Being a Plus Size Girl in a Trash Dating World is Unhopeful 

​Isn’t it weird how we are all wired to find a significant other? Or at least isn’t weird how we think we are wired to find a significant other? Growing up, everyone judged my body by implying if I wasn’t thin, no man would ever want to date me, let alone marry me. While the latter might be true, it hasn’t been the case throughout my active dating years. Given, I haven’t dated a boatload of men, but I have found a handful that I wish a future would’ve been possible with, however, dating in modern era is like trying to keep a sinking ship above water. I’m not trying to say all men are trash, but frankly, some men are trash.

Exhibit A:

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​Why is being fat such a terrible thing? Some of us are actually happier in our skin than people who are a size zero with a modeling career. And the best part? We are actually healthy. Maybe not in definition of a BMI scale, but in terms of overall health. I’m not going to go into a heated debate over weight, or what people consider right or wrong, but I am going to address that if you are here reading this post and have something negative to say, it’s time for you to leave my page. I am a plus size advocate. I am healthy, but I admit, I could lose a significant amount of weight, which I am actively working on. This makes me nothing less or nothing more of a person than someone smaller or larger than me. 
 
In terms of dating though, I can’t say I have ever been part of the plus-size community that has been completely mortified by a guy. With dating apps, I’ve never really received the harsh criticism that other women have, but I have received a handful of rude comments. I remember an obnoxious boy once commenting on my Tinder bio which said “Yes, I’m plus size. If you can’t handle an ass that bounces back, swift left bby,” that I’m not plus-size, I am fat. When I say I laughed SO hard, I mean it. What did he think plus-size meant? I replied lightly by saying “I know I’m fat. Such a “shocker.” I’ve been on a weight loss journey for a while now and have lost a significant amount of weight already, so I’d hate to see what you’d say if you’d saw those photos. Keep on body shaming people, love. Maybe one day someone will personality shame you.” When I say this boy actually apologized and then proceeded to ask me on a date, I screamed. Who in their right mind would say yes to someone who clearly matched with you only to hurt you? Guy are SO weird sometimes. It's like whatever you say or do is wrong. Unless you're letting them hit it whenever it's convenient for them, they want no part of you, yet they expect you to be there for them when they need you but can't reciprocate the actions when you need them. 

Also, what is it with men that only want to date a fat girl if she has confidence? I’ve gained my own form of confidence over the years, but I have friends who hide in fear of their judgement because they aren’t confident in their body. I personally hate this new trend that’s been blasted on TikTok lately. It “idolizes” plus-size or curvy girls, but it’s all false advertisement. These guys say they want someone bigger, but in reality, they are only saying it on an app to grow their views. It’s kind of terrible to get on an app for entertainment and have your body type blasted for popularity. I understand that this happens to every body type, so I can’t rant too hard core on it, but why do men have to be so picky and or so rational in what they want? Does it really matter if you are plus-size or if you are thin if you can provide a happy future? If the roles were reverse, I would loveeee someone who is like me regardless of their appearance. What is the end goal of dating if it's not love? 

In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t find them on a dating app though because for a majority of the year, I’m never online. I don’t go searching for someone to make me happy. Sure, I download Tinder or Hinge in times of loneliness or desperation, but I’m a true believer that I can eventually meet someone in person. I don’t like meeting people online because the one time I did, my life was changed in a way I never wish it was. I beg of my innocent girls never to meet someone they've met online anywhere aside from a public location for at least the first three dates. Get to know that person. Sometimes they're sweeter on the outside than they are on the inside. 

My most vicious complaint within this whole topic is why can’t we go back to things like street dances and drive-in movies? Spending time with our significant others doing fun activities and being carefree. Netflix and chill is overrated. I want to do something more exciting! I am completely envious of the girls who find the good guys that will go out of their way to bring back some sense of chivalry, but because of them, I do remain hopeful.
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Overall, here's to ridding the dating apps once again and focusing on furthering my own success. I find myself happier this way. I hope if you are in this same situation that you consider allowing yourself to take a break too. I am a true believer that when the time is right, something good will happen. Until then, regardless of your size, know that in this terrible world of finding your other half, you are not alone. Dating apps are nothing but tiring platforms of swiping right, getting your hopes up and then being let down. 

Please feel free to comment any of your own personal experiences of online dating :) Or just dating in general! I'd love to hear it!