Chapter 2: A lot of firsts...

​I’m a person who gives my all in everything I do. This means that in a relationship, I seek monogamy to be able to give all of myself to that person and believe that person is doing the same thing for me. I am also very traditional in believing that a girl should be pursued by the guy as the Bible says, “he who finds a wife,” not she who finds a husband, therefore the generation in which I was born has destroyed dating culture and finding someone with a similar mindset is slim to none. In via 2017, monogamy became extinct. Not literally, but it definitely felt like it. When I think back on this time, and know the things I know now, I wouldn’t have allowed myself on dating apps or allowed myself to move forward with the “situationship” I put myself in with Mr. Mystery. ​

Mr. Mystery was a peculiar guy. I could never quite put my finger on what was going on with him. He texted me every day for the most part, but texting him wasn’t as easy as it should’ve been. I was quick at responding because I respect the idea of if you are talking to someone and you aren’t actually busy, you should give them the attention they deserve. I don’t appreciate wasting people’s time or leading them on. Mr. Mystery was the opposite. He was not quick at responding. For years after this ended, I allowed myself to think that if a guy took forever to respond, it wasn’t because he was toxic, it was simply because he was that busy or not on his phone, however as we all know, we live in an era that phones are in our hands more than anything else. He was slow at responding to me because he wasn’t that interested and or was seeing another person during this time. While the texts were a short coming, if it involved a virtual “date” over Skype that night, you best bet that he was prompt and on to me if I so happened not to text back right away. 
 
As I sit here and write this, I am cringing at these moments and they only get worse. 
 
Finally, after about two months of texting and Skyping, and don’t ask me how he asked because those details are blurred, I agreed to meet up with Mr. Mystery. I remember I was home at my family’s ranch when I got the text asking if I wanted to go out or something of that nature. Of course, I said yes. From what I remember, I was in the middle of the north pasture at sunset, opening a gate for my dad while he was feeding cattle, yet I was completely oblivious to what was going on around me because the questions of “what am I going to wear” and “how do I do my makeup” entered my mind. The whole build-up to this is too fuzzy, but I do remember meeting him at a Lowe’s parking lot after dark because he wanted to go to a park that I wasn’t familiar with. You would think this would be enough of a red flag to warn me from going to meet up with a man I didn’t know in the middle of the woods at night. Looking back on this, I could’ve definitely died and it would’ve been my fault. I watch a lot of true crime these days and I’m just thankful I didn’t get my head cut off, however that night he did end up taking my dignity. 
 
When I pulled into the parking lot, he drove over to me and awkwardly hugged me before getting back into his truck and leading the way. I called my best friend at the time and screamed about how cute he was to her because I wasn’t catfished. I should’ve been giving her my location, but instead I was giving her the 411 on his appearance and his scent. 
 
When we pulled into the driveway of this park, I knew where I was but I didn’t tell him that. My mom’s best friend lived right down the road, and I used to walk to that park all of the time with her son. I just didn’t know where the parking lot was and kind of thought he was joking when he asked to meet there in the dark. Nonetheless, here we were at like 8pm in a vacant gravel parking lot with nothing to do. I will admit, this “date” was initially cute. We sat on the tailgate of his truck for a while talking and eventually, he asked me to dance. I remember it being an Alan Jackson song, but I can’t remember which one. He didn’t ask if he could kiss me, he just did it and I didn’t object. Further down the line he asked me if he was my first kiss and I totally lied and told him no, but he was and if this wouldn’t have gone south, it would’ve been a great first kiss memory. Hours went by and we just kept dancing and kissing and laughing. I should’ve told him it was getting late and went home, but he took my hand and put it on top of his erection. Being that I was nineteen, I went against my better judgement and let him. It wasn’t long before we were in his backseat, and he pushed my head between his legs. Not only did I get my first kiss that night, but I forcefully gave my first blowjob with no pleasure returned. He made the comment “I feel like I should at least go buy you McDonald’s or something,” afterwards and as I type that, I finally see what that comment meant.
​Men are weird creatures, but lost men say the most unfortunate things at the most unfortunate time. It’s not hard to guess that I opened the door and raced home as quickly as I could. I felt used and never wanted to see him again. What sucked even more? I woke up sicker than I’ve ever been with some type of virus the next day. Jesus was probably trying to tell me this man was a virus in my life, but despite it all, that was not the last time I saw Mr. Mystery. If I would’ve been smart, it would’ve been. But in the end, I still believed Jesus was giving me a greater gift.